Like most people i have a touch screen smart phone.
I am very clumsy and sometimes have very little care for my belongings so every now and then again the screens crack.
The moment my phone drops and ends up with a crack its the end of that new honey moon period.
I have no interest in protecting it.
So you see it starts with a small crack and i don't bother getting it fixed thinking what is the point? it MAY get worse or even the other thought is i will let it GET more cracked and get it fixed when i REALLY need to.
Anyway this morning the phone dropped again, the glass didn't smash thankfully but within a few hours I noticed how a purple/pinky blob was taking over the screen.
It progressively got worse and worse within a few hours.
When I tried to use it, it simply did not respond.
That silent panic arose within me.
You know our phones are our best friends now a days.
Everything i had planned had to be moved and right now I am in coffee shop waiting for the phone to be fixed which is also costing me a bit of money.
But the money aspect isn't what is bothering me at all.
What is bothering me is why do i always let it get to the brink of my phone getting it to this stage before I take any action?
And as always every little thing teaches me a lesson or it is an analogy for our every day life.
The damage of my phone reminded me of my breakdown back in 2013.
Just like that small initial crack, i felt a little low and before I knew it this had an impact on my self esteem and confidence levels.
Like a sheep headed to the slaughterhouse ...I had no control.
I knew very little about emotional intelligence or social behaviour as i do now so it was hard to even understand myself.
I didn't even talk about it because i couldn't pin point what was actually bothering me.
Like many people, we suffer in silence.
Just like the phone, once it cracks the lines get worse and worse over time right ? even the slightest drop creates a huge impact such as the software, keypads and so fourth.
Over time, by ignoring the initial trigger of that very emotion or pain, it trickled into other areas of my life without even noticing. and so came a day i went into a meltdown, it got too hard to handle.
you know the one where we tend to go quite?
Paralysed by fear
Mental breakdown even
I was too embarrassed to talk about my mental health because I was in denial and the other was I didn't want to be a burden on others.
I could be with family and friends and still felt lonely and empty.
Nothing was wrong in my upbringing, I couldn't blame anyone yet the feeling of lost overtook me for a while.
This was also a transition period of my career so that had a lot to do with it.
A part of me died during this year but I also found another part of me that was positive.
I was one of the lucky ones who survived depression by learning to love myself, sadly a lot of people don't.
I lost one of my closest ever friends to suicide so this topic is very raw for me and many of you who read this I am sure.
Today marks mental health day.
Our mental health is actually in my humble opinion and experience the number one thing we should all take care of and be fragile with.
I trained all my life getting the perfect body but it never made me happy and no one ever talks about creating the perfect mental attitude and we need to talk about mental health more than what magazines and commercials promoting the slim figure and six pack abs.
We need to talk to each other more.
Find out more about one another.
Everyone who has defeated things like depression and survived it share your stories. you have no idea how powerful it is esp in an era where we all think that other people are better than us!!!!!!!!!!!
I pray for anyone who is that dark tunnel, but hold on, that little flicker of light exists at the end.
I created my fitness programme with everything I felt was missing at a time I needed help, I NEEDED A LOT OF HELP both mentally and physically. Fitness Reborn UK was created in my darkest hours, it was just me and my laptop and as I healed I created something that I didn't know would come to help so many other females. I did the process and the process works not just for me but so many of my clients who had transformed.
Our physical health matters and so does our mental health.
Sidenote: Mental health should never be a taboo topic in any culture or faith.
If you need any help I am here
Sending you all lots of love and light from the sunny side of East London