So here is the thing, the more in depth I am getting with my clients and the more I help them step into a better version of themselves, the more I find that almost every single one of us are carrying some s*** from the past .
We all read quotes and get attached and some of them that kinda stay in our veins and thoughts, like for instant this is my favourite quote
"Make peace with the past in order to move forward into the future"
Its only now I realise how important it is to make peace with the past, BUT no one ever teaches you how to ACTUALISE IT
In my consultation, lets take the client that came to see me last week, she is medically obese, suffers from some illnesses from the back of her weight gain. As we got deeper into her story she told me she hadn't yet grieved for her mothers death, her mother passed away when she was just seventeen years old.
She is now 36 years of age.
Most of us do not realise that the past causes a lot of discomfort and some things are very hard to face ( I had to face my own fears that has lingered the past 9 years) Though it is hard it is also the very thing that sets us free. It is all about what perspective we look at certain things.
The biggest enemy we have to face is ourselves .. profound saying and so true
We try to run away from it and anxiety comes in to catch us at the wrong times. This then becomes a detrimental cycle of abusing food, on / off in the gym, feeling frustrated and this leads to more stress.
Sound familiar ?
Then you question why you cannot stick to a programme or drop the weight.
The emotions we carry in our body creates huge vibrations in our attitude, in our behaviour and how we appear into this world.
Our emotions are manifested in our bodies, a lot of people do not understand this but it does.
We end up being a slave to the things we thought we had let go off but in fact we just moved on with life and not addressed that part to make peace with.
I know this comes across weird to you or maybe you can relate, but I see this time after time again with clients who come on my transformation programme. Its not just fitness and making people look good . The program literally makes dig deeper and we work on healing, letting go and forgiving oneself. it unlocks that part of your brain that limits you, together we work so we can let go of old bitterness, the hurt , the betrayal, the pain and there are some amazing tools and techniques that make huge mental shifts.
Making peace with the past has moved mountains and sustainable results in weight loss and better clarity is a direct result because of that.
It does not happen overnight, as I have found out myself the past two weeks but with some guidance , tools and practice it is doable.
Remember our subconscious mind is more powerful than any other machine you will know. What we carry in our thoughts manifests into our body.
WE all deserve to be happy in a healthy, moving, free mind and body.
Lots of love
After a month off feeling absolutely deflated and unmotivated for life and my gym workouts (which i sometimes rely on for mental health),
I trained today. I woke up early and did my usual morning routine which made me feel like I was in control again.
As I persevere through the reps and trying to build up the momentum and the mental callous to keep me going I reminded myself I have been doing this since age 19 years old.
I know this game too well.
That little thought fuelled me and also took me back to my young self.
One thought lead to another. To be honest feeling the feelings of a 19 year old me didn't sit well with me earlier this morning.
I was trying to find that same excitement I had when I first joined a gym. When I had first learnt about fitness, only my memory gave me an unpleasant feedback.
Aged 19 I recall stepping into the gym with NO idea what to do but doing an hour run on a treadmill had me feel so empowered, so in control. So fearless so... Just a wow feeling.
I had spectators in the gym watching me and some till this day tell me how my enthusiasm kept them motivated while they trained.
Physical training has always taught me to resilient, to overcome obstacles and to stay focused. Yet I had this side of me that had no confidence, and my bitch rest face could have easily been mistaken for being stuck up and arrogant.
But when I was 19 years old, fresh outa uni I didn't have much to hold onto and I realised my gym workouts came from a place of
self rejection. Self doubt and Self loathe.
I hated my body, I hated how my hair looked. I didn't like anything that starred back at me in the mirror. I was in a weird space trying to figure it all out.
So with every mile I ran. Every heavy set I lifted I was fighting.
It was me vs me.
I had an eating disorder and if you looked closely into my eyes you would have seen me lost at battle with myself.
I had a smile that used to hide every emotion.
I needed help and anger was a close friend for many years.
Anger a silent close friend if I'm honest.
The enemy wasn't anyone else but myself.
I fueled every workout with anger. I was angry against the world at that age I had no emotional intelligence and would pop at any given moment. Recklessly I would punish my body and push my mental ability to stay that extra min on a long run.
I incurred a lot of injuries and recovery wasn't a thing then. I would grit down harder and still push through it. I was obsessed with how I looked (yet at my best I still thought I was fat and when you feel fat your thinking makes you feel ugly too) I was also obsessed with that voice that kept telling me I wasn't good enough so every day I tried to prove that voice wrong. For that few hours my workouts was the only source I attached a meaning for my self worth, that I mattered and I was strong.
This morning as I tried to bring back that fire, it didn't sit well.
I didnt want to be that nazia ever again.
Everything came from a place of destruction and frustration and I wasn't her anymore.
Yes I was deflated but I had to remind myself to be gentle with everything I do now.
Although I learnt to forgive and move on it was a wave of sadness when I looked back at that younger self but was so grateful that I was able to change and when I workout now I do it out of kindness. I respect this body that gives me life everyday.
I honour this body but mostly its my mind I honour more.
I was able to take myself out of that self rejection, self hate and instead pour love and care.
Overcoming the old self into the new one took years of work and patience. I had spent years working on the cause of my pitfalls at the time which has now built a better and strong foundation for me to show up as I am.
At some point we all need to figure out why we do the things we do.
Maybe I needed a month out to feel like crap because I can now enjoy the small steps back to joy and happiness.
21 year old vs 36 year old me
Like most people i have a touch screen smart phone.
I am very clumsy and sometimes have very little care for my belongings so every now and then again the screens crack.
The moment my phone drops and ends up with a crack its the end of that new honey moon period.
I have no interest in protecting it.
So you see it starts with a small crack and i don't bother getting it fixed thinking what is the point? it MAY get worse or even the other thought is i will let it GET more cracked and get it fixed when i REALLY need to.
Anyway this morning the phone dropped again, the glass didn't smash thankfully but within a few hours I noticed how a purple/pinky blob was taking over the screen.
It progressively got worse and worse within a few hours.
When I tried to use it, it simply did not respond.
That silent panic arose within me.
You know our phones are our best friends now a days.
Everything i had planned had to be moved and right now I am in coffee shop waiting for the phone to be fixed which is also costing me a bit of money.
But the money aspect isn't what is bothering me at all.
What is bothering me is why do i always let it get to the brink of my phone getting it to this stage before I take any action?
And as always every little thing teaches me a lesson or it is an analogy for our every day life.
The damage of my phone reminded me of my breakdown back in 2013.
Just like that small initial crack, i felt a little low and before I knew it this had an impact on my self esteem and confidence levels.
Like a sheep headed to the slaughterhouse ...I had no control.
I knew very little about emotional intelligence or social behaviour as i do now so it was hard to even understand myself.
I didn't even talk about it because i couldn't pin point what was actually bothering me.
Like many people, we suffer in silence.
Just like the phone, once it cracks the lines get worse and worse over time right ? even the slightest drop creates a huge impact such as the software, keypads and so fourth.
Over time, by ignoring the initial trigger of that very emotion or pain, it trickled into other areas of my life without even noticing. and so came a day i went into a meltdown, it got too hard to handle.
you know the one where we tend to go quite?
Paralysed by fear
Mental breakdown even
I was too embarrassed to talk about my mental health because I was in denial and the other was I didn't want to be a burden on others.
I could be with family and friends and still felt lonely and empty.
Nothing was wrong in my upbringing, I couldn't blame anyone yet the feeling of lost overtook me for a while.
This was also a transition period of my career so that had a lot to do with it.
A part of me died during this year but I also found another part of me that was positive.
I was one of the lucky ones who survived depression by learning to love myself, sadly a lot of people don't.
I lost one of my closest ever friends to suicide so this topic is very raw for me and many of you who read this I am sure.
Today marks mental health day.
Our mental health is actually in my humble opinion and experience the number one thing we should all take care of and be fragile with.
I trained all my life getting the perfect body but it never made me happy and no one ever talks about creating the perfect mental attitude and we need to talk about mental health more than what magazines and commercials promoting the slim figure and six pack abs.
We need to talk to each other more.
Find out more about one another.
Everyone who has defeated things like depression and survived it share your stories. you have no idea how powerful it is esp in an era where we all think that other people are better than us!!!!!!!!!!!
I pray for anyone who is that dark tunnel, but hold on, that little flicker of light exists at the end.
I created my fitness programme with everything I felt was missing at a time I needed help, I NEEDED A LOT OF HELP both mentally and physically. Fitness Reborn UK was created in my darkest hours, it was just me and my laptop and as I healed I created something that I didn't know would come to help so many other females. I did the process and the process works not just for me but so many of my clients who had transformed.
Our physical health matters and so does our mental health.
Sidenote: Mental health should never be a taboo topic in any culture or faith.
If you need any help I am here
Sending you all lots of love and light from the sunny side of East London
When it comes to supplements, it's best to stick to the basics supported by science and the experts in the industry. I was never an avid user of supplements as an amateur boxer and looking back it now it makes sense why I struggled to lose weight or recover from my gruelling workouts. With that in mind below are the 5 essential supplements I recommend for anyone starting out in the gym or for better health?
Typically when I take on new clients, they want to go head in for the training and miss out the essential things that takes care of their bodies. Imagine a car, it requires fuel for it to move anywhere, engine oil for the engine to operate, a battery to power up the car and ensure the other parts of the vehicle works. But the human body is so much more complex and besides food and water it also requires vitamins and minerals for optimized operation of your body and mind.
It can be rather daunting when some clients tell me that they feel like they do not need supplements because they do not believe in it and then also suffer from headaches, poor sleep, not losing that last 10lbs or gaining muscle. In this fast paced society unless you are the queen and have every meal cooked for you I will find it very hard that you are taking in sufficient amounts of everything your body needs and wants.
An athlete, according to the sport or workout that they participate in will most definitely have a tailored plan for food, exercise and supplement regime. It all goes hand in hand for them to recover and perform better each time they are engaged in the activity. The average person barely gets in breakfast and expects to produce results in their workouts. We have to get back to the basics and start one step at a time.
Below I have listed the 5 supplements you need. I have tried the high streets Holland and Barrett's products and find they are over- priced and not organic enough to be absorbed and utilized in the body.
Use Nazia10 for a discount
Fish oil contains certain "fatty acids" that prevent the blood from clotting easily. These fatty acids also reduce pain and swelling. Omega-3 fatty acids are found in fatty layers of cold-water fish and shellfish, plant and nut oils, English walnuts, flaxseed, algae oils, and fortified foods. A lot of the benefit of fish oil seems to come from the omega-3 fatty acids that it contains. Interestingly, the body does not produce its own omega-3 fatty acids. Nor can the body make omega-3 fatty acids from omega-6 fatty acids, which are common in the Western diet. Fish oils is thought to help relieve joint
stiffness associated with arthritis, have a positive effect on cardiovascular health, and help repair wounded teeth, nails, hair, and skin. Fish oils seems to help lower high triglycerides
(a type of blood fat).
Take one capsule once a day
2) Vitamin D3
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A lot of people lack this mineral, you get vitamin d3 primarily from either sun exposure or supplementation, and its ability to influence genetic expression that produces many of its wide-ranging health benefits. Vitamin D3 among the general population could prevent chronic diseases that claim nearly one million lives throughout the world each year. Incidence of several types of cancer could also be slashed in half. Vitamin D also fights infections, including colds and the flu, as it regulates the expression of genes that influence your immune system to attack.
Take this once every two weeks on an empty stomach
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Not everything can be found in foods, but supplements are not a substitute for wholesome foods. Multi vitamins will have the other smaller minerals that you may miss in your diet such as Calcium, potassium. This supplement just wraps it all up by providing a little bit of everything but that does not mean you do not take the others mentioned separately. Now remember I am not saying that these will aid in miracles to happen over night. You will not magically lose fat, gain muscle, and improve performance or anything similar. Each vitamin and mineral outlined play a ROLE in fat loss, muscle growth and all of those other fitness related goals. In fact, they are playing a role in literally every other thing your body is doing to keep you alive and healthy. However, they still won’t directly help you achieve those types of goals no matter what the supplement company claims. Only a proper diet and workout are capable of doing that.
Take the multivitamin with food preferably at lunch time. On an empty stomach you may feel sick
Remember no two bodies are the same and we all require different things, even if you have a twin. Eat for your body type and train for your body type. You can book in a consultation with me and we can further discuss what other supplements your body needs to reach your goals and targets.
Lots of love Nazia Khatun
For the first time since my teenage years this has to be the longest period where I have not consumed coffee. Exactly 5 weeks, woohoo, well done me. So I hear you ask “so what?”
Coffee has had so many controversial debates whether it is good or bad, or how much we can consume, and so on. Anyone who knows me knows I love coffee.
I love the morning ritual of waking up and thinking about the smell of the thing in the jar, I love how it tastes and how I feel after wards. For over a decade it has helped me wake up and come alive. I also had a very good belief about my coffee addiction which was “I simply DO Not function without it first thing in the morning”.
Coffee was the drug I needed to feel energized and mid day I will need another hit like a cocaine addict needs their fix. My SELF BELIEF about coffee was actually causing me more harm than good.
Let me explain.
This soothing hot drink is what powers me to maximize my energy in the gym and give me that little ooomph for life. The thought of not sipping it in the morning used to frighten me. It’s the thing that also made me look like a mad hatter doing 10 things at a 100 miles per hour and not completing one task in the end.
I realized as I was growing up things used to agitate me more and the feeling of nervousness was over taking my life. I put this down to my job as a coach running around constantly looking after clients.
But it was at Anthony Robbins seminar I became aware of my addiction and how it wasn’t so great for me after all. I mean as a Coach I know everything in moderation is good for us and if I drank enough water to the ratio of coffee intake I would be fine. Somehow this wasn’t working for me.
The shift started when I was crewing at the Anthony Robbin’s “Unleash The Power Within” at the end of March 2015. Not only did Tony speak about the elimination of coffee but for those four days I was waking up at 6amthere was no COFFEE in the house.
I had a full on 13 hour day ahead of me and there was no coffee.
On the first day I remember telling myself “I will only have that coffee at 12pm and lets see how I cope in the morning” Bizarrely enough , I was just as hyper and energetic from the time I woke up till I had that it. So it made me think, If I have been this energetic without the need of a coffee then why do I drink it and rely on it so much and why am I in this state of thinking that if I don’t have a coffee I will not function ?
You know it only went hand in hand with what Anthony Robbins was talking about the whole weekend at the seminar, 1) Our belief system creates habits for us, 2)Our thoughts to a situation can create so much good and bad, 3) And our perception of things allow us to view things in a positive or a negative way
And so there it was that little voice that said to me “you do not need the coffee you are just as mad without it”
KA-CHING! Boy was I glad to hear that voice and actually experience the full effects of my own natural energy through the next few days without any coffee. To feel my own energy without any external substance was a huge deal for me.
In the weeks to come, I replaced coffee with hot lemon water and then juiced every morning. I wasn’t tempted to drink coffee and it turned out to be a small challenge to see if I had the discipline and power to not drink the beverage anymore. Each day to replace the old habit was a triumph for me, each day I realised I wasn’t as weak as I thought I was. Each day I used that to channel my focus and energy in other areas of my life.
I was more energetic than the days I had coffee, I realised I wasn’t as agitated or anxious. It is very rare for me to get those mid day energy slumps now and my workouts are just as hard and intense without the kick start of coffee.
So I realized it was ALL IN MY HEAD. The story I had been telling myself for so many years had finally changed. And this is also the same thing we do when we are faced with certain situations in our lives when it comes to change or uncertainty.
Our story about a situation prevents us from progressing, for example:
ou get married. Have a baby. Move across the world. Start going to night school so you can get a degree. All of these are life-changing events that make you a different person. But did you know your life can change significantly just by spending some time strength training?
That’s right—if you’re willing to commit to strength training, your life will change significantly in seven ways. Here they are.
Change #1: Toned
This one’s obvious for anyone who has ever stepped inside a gym. When you add strength training to your routine, your body shapes up quickly. Working with me, you can determine an appropriate strength-training regimen that will give your body the look you desire. When you look better, you feel better and more confident. But lifting weights isn’t just about looking good…
Change #2: Health Risks Drop
Want to reduce your worry factor significantly? Then start lifting weights. When you do, you’ll find your body has better defense against the common cold and other everyday sicknesses. But that’s not all. By lifting weights and staying healthy, you’ll be better able to sidestep countless diseases that plague so many—from diabetes and cancer to heart disease and stroke.
Change #3: You’ll Go Longer
Ever just want to crash and burn after a hard day at work? Wish you had the stamina to play a game of kickball with your kids on the weekends? Lifting weights will help you improve your stamina so you can do just that. Once you’ve lifted weights for a while, your muscles grow stronger and you learn how to power through even when you’re feeling a bit worn out. Going longer, however, isn’t reserved for the athletic field.
Change #4: Sex Improves
Lifting weights may not transform you into some sort of sexual maniac, but it will do lots of good things for your body that in turn translates to good things for your sexual abilities. One way strength training does this is by improving blood flow throughout your body, which is important for sexual function. On top of blood flow, you will feel better about your body and become less likely to struggle with sexual dysfunction.
Change #5: You Can Focus
Meetings aren’t the most exciting events in the world. They drone on for hours, and your involvement does little to help those you’re meeting with find solutions. Until you start lifting weights. Suddenly, your brain is getting the blood flow necessary for optimal function and your brain even grows new cells. Once your most important muscle kicks into overdrive, you’re ready to be alert and thoughtful.
Change #6: You’ll Smile More
Life is not easy. And when it comes at you full force, the stress can be too much. When this happens, you may find yourself spiraling into a bout of sadness or even depression. Lift weights regularly, however, and you’ll experience something the prescription-producing world doesn’t want you to know. Lifting weights gives your body what it needs to fend off depression. And you don’t need a doctor’s appointment for a weight-lifting session.
Change #7: You Live in the Now
It is good to plan and know what you’re doing with your life. However, if you spend all your life worried about what you’re going to do with yourself when you retire in 23 years, you’re missing out on something very important: the here and now. When you lift weights, you’re forced to focus on the task at hand.
Otherwise, you’ll never get that final rep in. By incorporating strength training, your life is changed for the better, because you finally learn to live in the moment, a skill that translates to increased life satisfaction.
Sound good to you? Give me a call or shoot me an email today to get started on a fitness routine that’s custom tailored to your needs.
Lots of Love,
The first two weeks of my transformational programme is called the BASECAMP. This is where the magic happens where I learn about each different client and help them correct their form and technique, crucial if they want to succeed in their overall goals. ( I will speak about why form and technique is a necessity on any fitness regime on another post)
In Basecamp I am laid back, there is NO right or wrong. I observe how each person does the exercise and I fix their stance or movement so that they get it right from the get go. Basecamp is important for me to help clients restructure their patterns, and understand what part of the brain they are operating from.
We have all been there where we get excited about training and getting the results that we work on changing everything in one go.
We change our diets drastically, falling into this trap of “healthy eating”.
We end up being strict on exercise sessions and end up exhausted by day six so most people will succumb to eating one slice of cake and hey that’s you off the track till next Monday.
The physical body is the entity of the mind. The mind knows all your patterns and habits, and HABITS are something we cannot get rid of BUT replace slowly until that negative habit has disappeared.
When it comes to dieting and fitness your brain already knows how you operate so it will trip up every time you attempt to do it again. People go through this vicious cycle their entire life causing them to feel like a failure and in effect it creates a destructive relationship of self- hate with the body. I know it too well as I was that person once a long time ago.
I want to share some of the techniques I use to enhance my clients transformational journeys, not only to drop weight, but to recreate themselves into the best versions of themselves in every area of their lives.
1. Write down your GOALS.Pick three goals you want to work with do not focus on WEIGHT LOSS. We can trick the brain to get you to drop weight without it being a goal that you write. You have focused on this too much, therefore not achieving weight loss would have frustrated you in the past and you fall into the trap of feeling like you cannot attain it. An example would be
Goal 1. TO FEEL HAPPIER
Goal 2. GET ENERGISED
Goal 3. RUN THE STAIRS AT WORK
This takes you away from the primary goal of weight loss and if you focus on different things around your overall weight loss goal it becomes so much more fun and manageable.
2. Change one thing at a time
We are trying to replace old habits with new ones. There are different parts of the brain at work, the Reptilian part of the brain is the lizard brain, it is smart and hates change and then we have the pre fontal cortex, where we imagine things in the future. When we try to exercise 7 days a week and eat salads and porridge, your brain is literally fighting with will power and discipline.So start of getting into the gym maximum of 3-4 times for the first week and eat normally as you did before, in week 2 introduce things like eating breakfast if you are someone who normally doesn’t or maybe drink more water. Then in week 3 maybe start cooking your meals.
By doing simple things like that keeps the mind out of threat, you are meant to have fun do not make it a chore Be nice to yourself.
3. Be nice and kind to yourself
you are going to live in your body till the end of the time so if you mess up one day, learn how to let it go and jump straight back on the wagon the next day. When we feel guilty and shame it usually is the hindrance of our progression in the fitness game. You are learning about yourself so take it nice and easy on yourself. Take a day out where you have an open window where you can indulge in your favourite foods. You do not want to deprive yourself of anything that you once enjoyed.
4. Have someone to keep you accountable
I failed so many times in the past with the battle of a perfect body. I really thought I knew it all but in reality I was actually damaging my psychological health and this had an effect on my physical body with reoccurring injuries. It wasn’t until I seeked professional help that I understood my body type and how I needed to train. I have three coaches in my life, one for my fitness regime, a therapist (this is so needed for the type of clients I deal with that I also need someone to speak to when I need help) and lastly a business mentor. Without my coaches keeping me accountable it would be so hard to be whom I am today. If you need my assistance use the contact form and get in touch.
5. Create a positive mindset
I left the important one till the last. This is so crucial. I preach about this all the time on social media. What we think about on a daily basis creates a feeling in our bodies which is also manifested into reality. For example someone who keeps telling themselves that they have a horrible body will show up in their energy and how confident they feel. So start practising becoming aware of your words. Write down positive affirmations such as I AM ENOUGH, I AM AMAZING. I AM STRONG and just repeat it every day. If you want to create a different outcome you must be willing to change the things that are no longer working for you.
Hope that helps, leave a comment and let me know how you get along
Yours in love and peace,
Eating disorder is something the South Asian Community hardly ever speak about . With deep rooted ancestral issues mixed with the new wave of social media body image visuals we have a group of females that need a lot of help mentally and physically.
My own journey struggling with an eating disorder lead to years of self abuse and hate. Trying to uphold traditional values and fit into the western society I found myself at times with an identity crisis. To abide by customary rules and regulations as well as trying to find my way to break away from the linear narrative and what is expected from me was something that took me a long time to make peace with.
Eating disorders is not something South Asian families tackle let alone speak about , in fact historically it is only viewed as a western Caucasian female issue. In context the female body image and how it is interpreted in different countries and cultures varies this can have a conflict on Asian females (or females from a different ethnicity /race).
A curvy woman in an African Tribe maybe viewed as a strong women or a leader of the pack, that very same curvy woman in American may be viewed as an overweight person. In India being skinny is associated with being poor and in the western world we can view it as a middle class healthy way of living. Having said that, Bollywood actresses in films have now caught up with this wave of tight abs and toned physiques, and in my opinion adopted the western beauty standards.
As humans we all like to identify ourselves with people we feel familiar with and actually can RELATE to, so yes Role models and representation matters more than we can ever imagine in this day and era.
Social media has created this unhealthy relationship making us feel like we are never enough. It is either the size 0, slim fit, thick thighs tight abs trend. Body images are constantly changing like fashion and even someone who knows better can fall into this trap of the need to fit causing mental health issues that cannot be explained.
Eating disorders are no joke, and when we narrow it down to females from a South Asian background it can be the hardest thing one can go through. We have this unsaid standard of beauty in the community where females are expected to be slim and petite. Anything else outside of this we can guarantee our parents or relatives to make a back handed comment such as “you are getting slightly healthy” Most of us already know this is a polite way of saying “you are getting fat”.
I had always been a fat greedy child, it was survival of the fittest in my house over the kit kat bars. but I also recall being very sporty and we always played outside. Puberty was unkind and so unfair to me. I blossomed horizontally and vertically, i stood out like a sore thumb.
I was desperate to drop weight, I was in college when I knew how to stick my fingers down my throat, magically I shed so much weight. I had no idea that this was a disorder let alone a thing.
Eating Disorders controlled my life.
It robbed me of my self -confidence, self- esteem, self- worth and everything in between of my sanity.
I was so misunderstood and the only emotion I knew was rage and anger. Deep down I was looking to be just loved and to be told I was beautiful enough, but I never heard that so it made me feel like I never was pretty or good enough. I was fighting this inner war that was consuming my everyday thoughts. My demons were stronger than me as I fought through each day with the bite of an apple to last me till bed time.
I was trying to prove something to myself but I had no idea what it was. Even when I reached my perfect weight on the scales I was never happy. I constantly felt ugly and fat in front of the mirror. Even at my lowest body weight I felt I had to train harder. This is what we call Body Dis morphia